J005 - MABAGAL MAGSALITA (Contributed by NMT - 21 Sept. 2005)

~~~

Nagkasalubong ang magkumpare sa daan :

GORIO : Pare, musta ka na, long time , no see!
TIBO : (Dahan dahan kung magsalita) Pa-re, he-to ma-bu-ti na-man a-ko.
GORIO : Aba pare, mukha yatang di ka na pautal utal kung magsalita at di ka na rin nabubulol !
TIBO : Pa-re, nag-pun-ta ako sa dokt-or at ang sa-bi niya da-han da-ha-nin ko raw ang mag-sali-ta pa-ra di ako mau-tal at pa-ra main-tindi-han a-ko ng mga ta-o.
GORIO : Pare, balita ko engage na kayo ni MIding, kailan ang kasal?
TIBO : Pa-re, hin-di ma-tutu-loy ang ka-sal da-hil na-ga-lit sa akin si Mi-ding...iti-na-pon niya sa mu-kha ko yung ibi-ni-gay kong sing-sing.
GORIO : Pare, bakit anong nangyari ?
TIOBO : Pa-re, na-kau-po ka-ming da-la-wa sa bal-cony ng ba-hay ni-la at gus-to ko na-man sa-nang ma-ging sweet sa kan-ya ka-ya iti-nuro ko yung a-song nag-kaka-mot ng li-ku-ran sa hag-danan ni-la...gus-to ko sa-nang ipahi-watig sa kan-ya na mal-am-bing tig-nan ang ba-ba-e ha-bang kina-ka-mot niya ang li-ku-ran ng la-la-ki......ka-ya ang sa-bi ko sa kan-ya, "Mi-ding pwe-de mong ga-win sa akin ang gina-gawa ng a-so niyo kung ka-sal na ta-yo."
GORIO : Pare, anong masama sa sinabi mo at itinapon sa mukha mo yung singsing?

TIBO : Pa-re, sa ba-gal kong mag-sali-ta, no-ong tinig-nan niya yung aso, dini-dila-an na yung itl-og niya.
~~~

J004 - LIFE SO DIFFICULT (Contributed by NMT - 21 Sept. 2005)

~~~

Dear Sweetheart:
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart.
Your husband

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses , instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items.......
5. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses  and I hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Dear Sweety, Shall I plan same way for next months & if I plan to have parties also, Please advise !!!
~~~

J003 - NAUGHTY NUNS (From www.masbatenos.didisaamerica.org)
~~~
Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines. What did you do? The other nuns asked. Well, of course I threw them in the trash. The second nun said, Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room - putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms. What did you do? they asked. I poked holes in all of them, she replied. Oh my, gasped the other nuns.
The third nun fainted.
~~~

J002 - WANT TO HAVE SOME FUN? (From www.masbatenos.didisaamerica.org)

~~~

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.
What do they say? the priest inquired.
They only know how to say, we're prostitutes.
That's terrible the priest exclaimed, I have a solution to your problem.
Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible.
My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.
Thank you the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, put the beads away.
Our prayers have been answered.
~~~

J001 - TWINS (Contributed by NMT - 21 Sept. 2005)

~~~
A pregnant Filipina woman is in a car accident and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother, he's a drunken IDIOT!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Brandy," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Brandy!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, " Fundador "
The woman fainted.

~~~