J019 - DON'T DROP THE SPOON (Contributed by NMT - 30 Oct. 2005)

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Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However, when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. I then looked around the room and saw that all the waitpersons had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to check on our order I asked: "Why the spoon?" "Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired TCS, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that customers drop their spoons 73.84% more often than any other utensil. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 1.5 man-hours per shift." As we finished talking, a metallic sound was heard from behind me. Quickly, the waiter replaced the dropped spoon with the one in his pocket and said: "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was rather impressed.

The waiter continued taking our order and while my guests ordered, I continued to look around. I noticed then that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their fly. My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked off, I asked the waiter: "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?" "Oh, certainly!" he answered, lowering his voice. "Not everyone is as observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom."  "How so?" "See," he continued, "by tying this string to the tip of...you know... we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%" "Okay, that makes sense, but... if the string helps you get it out, how do you put it back in?" "Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

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J018 - NAHADLOK AN DEMONYO (Contributed by NMT - 29 Oct. 2005)

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May mag-asawa nga pirmi lang naga-away. Diri normal sa inda an maglipas an isad ka semana nga diri sinda mag-away. An lalaki diri nangita sin maayo na trabaho kag an babaye sige an reklamo sa iya asawa. Iba-iba nga pamalikas o mura an imo mababati sa inda. Sa kada mag-away sinda, nalilipay an demonyo nga nagmamasid lang kag nagtungtong sa bunga san saging. Diri man aram san mag-asawa nga may naga-masid sa inda tungod kay "invisible" o diri man ninda nakikita an demonyo.

Isad ka vez, nag-uli an lalaki sa balay kag naabutan niya na wara pa sin pagkaon sa kusina.

LALAKI:    Aw nano ka na asawa? Naman kay wara sin pagkaon didi sa kusina? Siguro nakipagtsismisan ka naman dida sa aton kahiripid?

BABAYE:   Wara ako makipagtsismisan, wara ako magluto kay wara sin lulutoon.

An demonyo sa may bunga san saging, sige an katawa kag sige an palakpak. Nalilipay siya pirmi kun nag-aaway na an mag-asawa.

Wara anay makasabat an lalaki. Taod-taod nakita niya an puno san saging nga may bunga.

LALAKI:    Anon wara sin lulutoon na sabi mo? Naman ina nga demonyo ina, diri maluto? (Sabay tukdo sa puno san saging)

Pakakita san demonyo nga siya an gintukdo, lumukso siya kag dumalagan sa grabe nga kahadlok. An kagasi san demonyo kun siya an lulutoon, pero kay an saging gali.

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