J015 - THE CENTIPEDE (Contributed by Florante "Jun" Bautista - 24 Sept. 2005)

~~~

This guy was lonely and he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, (100-legged bug,) which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good location for it, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. He asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?"

But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "HEY, IN THERE! WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO FRANK'S PLACE AND HAVE A DRINK WITH ME?!"

A little voice came out of the box - "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my fucking shoes."
 

J014 - AN GENERAL (Contributed by NMT - 24 Sept. 2005)

~~~  

Sa probinsya may bus nga nagbiyahe pa kadto sa usad na barangay. San nagabiyahe na an bus, sa dalan may pumara na pasahero kay masakay. Ginparahan san drayber. Pakasakay san pasahero, otomatiko nagpakilala siya nga General siya san military para diri siya sukoton san konduktor san pamasahe. Kumbaga gusto niya magpakloy.

GENERAL: Ah, kondoktor General ako. (Sabay tukdo san mga stars kag tsapa san iya uniporme.)

Bisan wara magsabi an General na diri sya mabayad, naintindihan na san konduktor kun nano an gusto sabihon san General. Insigida pakahuman pagpakilala san General, sa urhi na ingkodan san bus, may usad na pasahero na tumindog kag nagpakilala man.

LALAKI:  Ah, kondoktor NPA kami, lima. (Sabay liwat tukdo san iya mga kaupod.)

Tumindog an General kay nahadlok. Usad lang siya tapos may 5 na NPA sa bus. Nagpakilala siya utro.

GENERAL: Ah kondoktor, retirado na ako. Kahapon la gayod. Adi an bayad ko, sa imo na an sukli.